Become My Papi: The Book Behind the Investigation

The first time I saw the word PAPI, I laughed. It was written in red ink across the top of a page that had no business holding a word like that: cream paper, a man's name in the corner, a date, and then a list of observations in a careful hand. Who interrupted whom. Who remembered the waiter's name. Who checked the bill.

The man was rich, properly rich, the kind whose name turns up under photographs of hotel openings. Next to his name she had drawn an X.

Become My Papi is what came out of the next two years. It started with one question, and I couldn't put it down: if you take away his money, what is left that a woman would still want?

What Become My Papi is about

The book follows the files of a woman who recorded men the way other people keep diaries. She left enough material to keep me looking and never enough to let me stop. Most of the people in it agreed to talk on one condition, that nothing about them could be looked up. Names, places and details are changed. What they told me is not.

The first chapters are about money, and about how little it says on its own. A millionaire whose waiter remembered him for the wrong reasons. A bracelet given twice, the second time during the breakup. A bank statement with three payments circled in blue, and the smallest one marked Why hide this one? I wrote about some of these early on, in The Millionaire Problem, Expensive Isn't Generous and The Gift With a Receipt.

Where the money changes shape

From there the investigation follows money into places it rarely gets named. A couple who believed they split everything fifty-fifty, until a spreadsheet from twelve years earlier showed what had been left out of it. A house with seven bedrooms and a refrigerator he thought filled itself. The mental load, weaponized incompetence, the girlfriend who slowly became a project manager. I've written about that turn in The 50/50 Problem.

Then come the arrangements that look generous from outside. A man who said quit your job, I'll take care of you, and meant it. A house above the sea with the gate always open. I wrote about both women in Quit Your Job, I'll Take Care of You.

The men, and the woman who started it

Halfway through, the question turns around. What happens to the men in these stories. What happens to the woman who decides she can fix one. What a provider is actually buying when he pays, and what he can't buy at any price. Some of that began as notes here: The Broken Man Fantasy, The Provider Problem and What Papi Means.

The last fourteen chapters are about her: the woman whose files these were, the money before the money, and the pages she removed before anyone could read them.

Who the book is for

It's for adults who have wondered why a generous partner can still leave them feeling poor, or why a fair arrangement can still feel unfair. It's also for men who want to know what women are weighing when they weigh them. Nobody in it is a villain for long. Most of the people who agreed to talk were trying to be honest about something that didn't flatter them.

If you want a shorter way in, Become My Papi: Mini Version holds the prologue and the first twelve chapters, the part about money and the mental load.

The free bonus guide

The book comes with a second PDF, How to Read a Relationship Like an Archive. It sets out the ten reading techniques I used on her files: how to read what someone kept, what they crossed out, and what they left in the wrong order on purpose. It's free with the book.

Length, format and price

Sixty-two chapters with a prologue and an epilogue. Over 312,000 words, 1,412 pages, about twenty hours of reading. You get a ZIP with two PDFs, the complete book and the bonus guide, as an instant download. For readers 18 and over.

The book is currently $47, down from $80. Like all my new books, it's sold only on noravellick.com. Get Become My Papi here.

Questions people ask

What is Become My Papi about?

It is Nora Vellick's two-year investigation into one question: if you take away a man's money, what is left that a woman would still want? It covers money, the mental load, provision, power and desire.

Is Become My Papi based on a true story?

Yes. It is built from the files of a real woman and from interviews with people who agreed to talk on condition that their names and details were changed.

What comes with Become My Papi?

A ZIP with two PDFs: the complete book (1,412 pages) and a free bonus guide, How to Read a Relationship Like an Archive, with ten reading techniques.

Is there a shorter version?

Yes. Become My Papi: Mini Version contains the prologue and the first twelve chapters, about 61,000 words.

Where can I buy Become My Papi?

Only on noravellick.com, as an instant download for readers 18 and over.