Mental Load Checklist: 30 Examples of the Invisible Work

If you're searching for a mental load checklist, you probably already know the feeling and want proof of its size. This is the list I wish I'd had: thirty ordinary examples, grouped by area, so you can see what your household actually runs on.

For a plain definition, start with What Is the Mental Load?. Here I'll stay with examples.

How to read the checklist

Sociologist Allison Daminger interviewed 70 people in 35 couples and split household thinking into four stages: anticipating a need, identifying the options, deciding, and monitoring the result (American Sociological Review, 2019). Her women interviewees did more of it overall, and most of the gap sat in anticipating and monitoring. A JSTOR Daily summary of the study puts it well: the noticing comes first and nobody sees it.

So for each item below, ask who does the noticing, not who does the task. Putting the bins out is a task. Knowing it's bin night is the load.

Children

1. Knowing the school has a non-uniform day on Friday and that a costume is needed.
2. Noticing a child has outgrown their shoes before the shoes hurt.
3. Remembering which friend has a birthday, buying the present and finding the card.
4. Tracking vaccinations, dentist visits and eye tests.
5. Reading the school emails, including the ones that look like newsletters.
6. Noticing that a child has gone quiet and deciding whether it matters.

Home

7. Seeing that the bathroom cleaner is almost gone before it is gone.
8. Knowing the boiler needs a service and who to call.
9. Keeping the running list of what's in the fridge and what's about to turn.
10. Planning the week's meals around who is home, who is allergic and who has stopped eating tomatoes.
11. Switching the kids' clothes with the season.
12. Noticing the house is a mess before guests arrive, and deciding what "ready" means.

Money and admin

13. Knowing which bills renew this month and which subscription is quietly taking money.
14. Holding the passwords, logins and two-factor codes. I wrote about this in The Digital Load.
15. Being the number on file for the school, the doctor and the club (The Number on File).
16. Remembering the tax deadline, the insurance renewal and the passport expiry.
17. Comparing quotes for the plumber, the car service or the broadband.

Family and social life

18. Keeping track of both sides' birthdays, anniversaries and who gets a call.
19. Buying and posting the card and the gift for his mother.
20. Planning the holiday, packing for it and unpacking afterwards (The Holiday That Isn't).
21. Replying to the invitation, and working out what to bring.
22. Deciding which events the family attends and which it skips.

Health and care

23. Noticing a parent needs more help and starting the conversation.
24. Booking the appointments and making the follow-up call when nobody rings back.
25. Knowing which child has which medication and when it runs out.
26. Staying the one the family turns to when someone is ill.

Managing the other adult

27. Reminding him about the thing he agreed to do (The Reminder Tax).
28. Checking that the thing he agreed to do got done.
29. Choosing the moment to raise it so it doesn't become a fight.
30. Thanking him for it, every time, so he keeps doing it.

What the numbers say about a list like this

A 2025 study in Archives of Women's Mental Health (Aviv and colleagues) asked 322 mothers of young children to rate 30 household tasks, planning and doing separately. The mothers reported carrying about 73% of the cognitive labor and about 64% of the physical labor. The more of the thinking a mother held, the more depressive symptoms, stress and burnout she reported. The sample was well educated and high income, and the design shows association, not cause.

The same pattern shows up in how couples describe their lives. People who share the planning report being happier together. A study by Petts, Carlson and Wong (Journal of Marriage and Family, 2025) found relationship satisfaction was highest when cognitive housework was shared equally, for mothers and for fathers.

How to use this list with your partner

1. Each of you takes a copy and puts a mark next to every item you hold, meaning you notice it first.
2. Add what the list missed. Every household has items nobody else would think of.
3. Compare marks and count them. Treat the result as a count and leave out any verdict.
4. Pick one whole area and move it, planning and all. Whole Tasks, Not Pieces explains why the handover has to include the thinking.

Expect the first month to be awkward. The Awkward Middle covers why most attempts stall there. If you need the words for the conversation, read How to Talk to Your Partner About the Mental Load.

The full evidence, chapter by chapter, is in The Work Nobody Sees. Not sure where your household stands? Try the quiz.

Sources: Daminger, A. (2019), American Sociological Review 84(4), 609-633. Aviv, E. et al. (2025), Archives of Women's Mental Health 28(1), 5-14. Petts, R. J., Carlson, D. L., & Wong, J. S. (2025), Journal of Marriage and Family. All three are correlational or qualitative and mostly cover different-sex couples in the United States.

Questions people ask

What is an example of the mental load?

Noticing that a child has outgrown their shoes, then finding the right size, buying them and checking they fit. The shopping is the task. Noticing in time is the mental load.

Who carries the mental load in most households?

In the research Nora Vellick draws on, women do more of it. In Daminger's interview study, women did more cognitive labor overall, especially anticipating and monitoring. In a 2025 study of 322 mothers, mothers reported about 73% of the cognitive labor.

How do you use a mental load checklist?

Each partner marks the items they notice first, then both count the marks. The count shows who holds the thinking. Then move one whole area, planning included, to the other person.