How to Give the Perfect Blowjob: About the Guide

The title promises something the book takes back on its first page. There is no perfect blowjob. What there is instead is attention, and attention can be learned. How to Give the Perfect Blowjob is my guide for adults on oral sex, built on consent, communication and paying attention to the person in front of you.

It is adult sexual health education: frank, practical and non-graphic, for readers 18 and over.

Where the guide came from

I went to the Bellweather Hotel to interview a woman who never arrived. Room 214 had been emptied by someone who took their time. On the desk was a black notebook with its first thirty pages cut out, five initials spanning nineteen years, and one surviving line: He thought I was learning how to please him. I was learning how to read him.

That line became the spine of the book. The rest came from what men told me anonymously, which I describe on the guide's page.

What's inside the guide

Thirty chapters cover confidence, consent, communication, hygiene, sexual health and comfort for both people. The method at the centre has four steps: notice, confirm, adapt, remember.

Around them sit a technique lab, ten confidential case files, five dossiers, a consent guide, a couple's preference worksheet and a seven-day communication challenge. It is 180 pages, about two and a half hours of reading, delivered as a PDF straight after checkout.

Why attention matters more than technique

Most advice on this subject is about technique. People want a method they can learn once and repeat. In my interviews, the people who described the best experiences of their lives almost never mentioned a technique. They described being paid attention to. I wrote about that in Attention Is the Technique, and it is the idea the guide is built on.

The guide leads with consent, and it never treats a partner's body as a puzzle with one answer. Bodies and moods change, and a habit of noticing keeps working when a technique stops.

What the guide won't do

It won't tell you there is one right way. It won't rank bodies or performances, and it won't ask anyone to do anything they don't want to do. Every chapter assumes two adults who can say yes, no and not now, and who are interested in each other. If that isn't the situation you are in, the consent guide at the start of the book is the place to begin.

Who it's for

It is for adults who want to feel more confident and more present with a partner, and for couples who want a structured way to talk about what they like. If you've ever felt that the conversation was harder than the act, the worksheet and the seven-day challenge were written for you. The link between everyday attention and desire runs through my notes too, from Desire Is Not a Wage to The Attraction Killer.

The guide costs $15 and is sold only on noravellick.com. Get How to Give the Perfect Blowjob here, or start with my free series, The Husband Experiment.

Questions people ask

Is the guide explicit?

It is frank, practical and non-graphic. It is adult sexual health education written for readers 18 and over.

What is the responsive method?

The four steps at the centre of the guide: notice how your partner responds, confirm instead of assuming, adapt when the answer is no or not quite, and remember what you learned.

Where can I buy How to Give the Perfect Blowjob?

Only on noravellick.com. It is a $15 PDF of 180 pages, available to download straight after checkout.